I don’t know why other break up had a lot to do with myself and it was basically my fault. I treated him bad, I said things I shouldn’t say, things I regret it so much. But I grew up seeing my mom be like that but until this age I realize I don’t want to be that kind of person. She is the type of person to say hurtful things and throw shit in your face when she’s mad and that’s not OK so when you were trying to tell me I wasn’t affectionate enough, I thought there was a better way than the way you did it. You started throwing things in my face like for example how other females or after you and don’t get me wrong I know but you made me want to do the same and that something I’m trying to out grow. Not only to help us but to help myself. 

No one seems to understand how hard it is to open up your heart after it’s been broken they say social media has a lot to do with that but I don’t believe that’s true. I lost a person who I believed was my soulmate and to him I was nothing, he just woke up One day and decided he didn’t love me anymore and that had a lot to do with the person I am today. I don’t believe everyone is the same I just don’t want to go through it again. I guess I’m scared to let someone come close, close enough to break my heart.  I just want to make sure you’re not going to leave even when It gets rough,  I want to know I can count on you even when I can’t count on myself.  i’m not stuck in the past I’m just trying to find different ways to heal but I want you next to me while I go through it 

Yes I know I said I was done with him but the only reason I’m like that is because he doesn’t want to take me serious and I can’t get mad at him for that, it’s like if I think that he’s going to want me more if I act up, I need to stop trying to get his attention in any way, it doesn’t benefit him and it surely doesn’t benefit yourself, realize where you stand and say goodbye if your really not down to take it; or stick around if your okay with it, I know you don’t say goodbye because you don’t want to loose him out of your life, but with you allowing it to happen then you can’t keep ending things and hopeing he’s going to change. So right now, I think I’m just going to have him as a friends with benefits, nothing more and nothing less, but that means you can’t get mad at him for being with other girls, you can’t get mad at him because he doesn’t reply or talk to you constantly, and you can’t get mad if he doesn’t feel the same way.. stay if your okay with that or say goodbye if you can’t bare to stand that… before I used to care so much about  those certain flaws but the more disappointments, the more lies, and the more disrespect he showed towards me, the more he pushed me away. I guess I’m just going to stick around to find out which one comes sooner, to me not caring at all or you pushing me away.. maybe he doesn’t know exactly how I feel, maybe he doesn’t know that I may love him, but how can you tell a man who doesn’t care, how can you tell him when he won’t listen… I feel like if I tell him everything I wrote, he would see me different, he’d refeer to me as “the crazy”, how can you tell a man you love him when you two were never nothing this whole time long 
If you forgive him then you need to forget about what he did, you can’t bring it up when he makes another mistake, you can’t treat him different, you can’t constantly over think it, you need to forget what he did and trust that it won’t happen again, or you need to forgive and leave. Life is option, you get what you make out of it..take control of your own happiness, you can’t let these boys out here damage your feelings, you got other things to worry about. Your bank account, your education and your son. Guys are all around you, when he is ready, it can be Marcos, cristian, Alfredo or maybe a guy you have never met, but when he is ready; he will step up and show it to you, he won’t make you feel how you are feeling right now, you won’t overthink it, you will just know how right he feels, why stress over a guy who purposely causes that stress, baby girl get your mind straight, focus on what is important in life. Cristian’s lil dick isn’t going to get you far, focus on yourself!